Ok, there're called Distinguished Collards cuz you can cook them indoors without upsetting the upscale nasal passages. The key is the vinegar. It's a chemical thing - the odor from collards cooking comes from a hydrogen-base oxide reaction, so by cooking them in vinegar, you ensure an acidic condition, preventing the base-oxide reaction and the infamous collard smell.
What can I say - I'm a tech guy, OK?
So here's my recipe for Distinguished Collards
Ingredients:
-Big bunch o' collard greens
-Vinegar
-Crushed red pepper
-Salt
-Bacon - hey,it's southern, right?
-Beer - cold, not light, probably need 3-4
1. Rinse, wash the greens, and pull them leafy parts off the stems. You want decent-size pieces of leaves, but not too large.
2. Put the greens in a big pot and cover with water. You probably need a 2-3 gallon pot for a big bunch 'o greens. Turn the heat up and start them a' boiling - open a beer and check it to see if it's cold enough. If it's cold, have some more.
3. Add a pint (2 cups) of white vinegar. Don't have white vinegar? Use regular vinegar. But pleeeeeze don't use something like VSOP white balsamic vinegar - these are collards, dude. Better check that beer again - is it still cold?
4. Sprinkle a two tablespoons of crushed red pepper and equal amounts of salt over the top of the collards. Throw 2 strips of bacon over the top as well.
5. As the whole mess starts to boil, just stir it all together. That steam coming off the top may seem hot, so turn the heat down to simmer and put the cover on. You may need some cold beer to keep yourself cool. That's bottle's empty? Time to pop one more - just to make sure they's still cold...
6. Collards aren't sumthin you can hurry. They need to simmer and enjoy mingling with the spices and bacon. So have another beer, go check the weather/bait/pig on the grill/soap opera or whatever. Let them cook for about an hour.
7. Remove the bacon and feed it your home dawg - he/she has been wondering what the heck you've been cooking, so give the pup a little treat for their patience. Might as well toast the dog's treat with a sip or two of ice cold beer.
8. Take the cooked greens out with tongs and serve in a bowl or on a plate. You can add a little "pot liquor" from the pot or some pepper vinegar to hottin' it up a bit if you want. The crushed red pepper does not add a lot of heat after an hour of cooking, so you will be surprised with the flavor.
9. Actually, this a low fat and healthy recipe. Lots of fiber and even some protein! Just don't tell tell folks about that... Just take the kudos, enjoy the collards, and why not have a cold beer?
