Happy Wednesday - nice clean humor

[RickK]

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

 The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a Priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

 The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

 The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

 The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

 Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

 She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 36/24/36. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."...................

[RickK]

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside him and said quietly, “Good morning, Alex.”
Good morning, Pastor,” replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. “Pastor McGhee, what is this?” Alex asked.
“Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the men and women who have died in the service.”
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex’s voice was barely audible when he finally managed to ask, “Which one, the 9:00 or 10:30 service?”

[RickK]

"Five Horses Is Her Name"
 This is mythical and deep ... Truly beautiful

 A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.
 He replied, "She is called Five Horses".

 The man said, "That's an unusual name for a wife.
 What does it mean?"

 The Old Indian answered,
 "It old Indian name. It mean ..."


 "NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"

[wingtime]

An Indian chief walks into a pharmacy.

The pharmacist asks "Can I help you Chief?"

The Chief replies "squaws having too many little injuns"

On second thought this one isn't very clean!   

[RickK]

A man and his phone
https://safeshare.tv/x/sLtCVDmZnm

[RickK]

The people who live at the assisted living facility have small apartments but they all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.

An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room and found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts. 

[RickK]

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.
“Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol’ Blue how to talk!”
“That’s amazing,” his Dad says. “How do I get Ol’ Blue in that program?”
…
“Just send him down here with $1,000” the young cowboy says. “I’ll get him in the course.”
So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
“So how’s Ol’ Blue doing son?” his father asks.
“Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this – they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!”
“Read!?” says his father, “No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?”
“Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.”
The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.
So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. “Where’s Ol’ Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!”
“Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.
Then he turned to me and asked, “So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?”
The father exclaimed, “I hope you shot that SOB before he talks to your Mother!”
“I sure did, Dad!”
“That’s my boy!”
The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman…

[RickK]

 Better watch how you treat her - payback can be....